Growing up, holidays were my favorite.  My mom went all out.  As a result, I have massive Easter nostalgia:  the bunny, the candy, the basket, wearing alarmingly dreadful dresses, making my church appearance for the year, and the awesome egg hung with my extended family.  My cousins and I have children now, but we still celebrate all holidays with the same extended family.  So when we're all present, there are 23 of us.  And they are loud, talk a lot (myself included), and opinionated.  In addition, we play loud games like catch phrase; even games like euchre get loud.   

Now that I have Fischer, crowded and loud make for a rough day and a rough week of deregulation to follow.  It's now Wednesday and we're still trying to get back to "normal".  (FYI- I don't actually know what normal means.)  He's chewing on blankets, sweatshirt ties, and toys.  He's telling me 'no' when I ask him to do anything.  And when he wants to mix it up, he says, "I'm not talking to you."  He gets frustrated really easily and he gets rough with the tablet and his toys.

Getting clothes on the kid is manual labor.  He's been wearing jammies for days because there is no way I'm even attempting to get him dressed.  Well, pajama bottoms and a stained Justin Verlander shirt; changing the shirt is the most difficult part of dressing.  He refuses to wear socks with his boots, and then they get sweaty and stuck on his feet and he gets pissed and screams.  For whatever reason, even if I tell him not to wear cowboy boots without socks, it's still my fault when they won't come off.  Funny how that works.  Reverse psychology doesn't work and neither do threats and bribery, so I'm basically screwed.  Yesterday, he refused to put shoes, socks, or a coat on when leaving my parent's house; I thought for sure he'd turn around and head back in the house when his arms and bare feet met 35 degrees, but no such luck. 

Because his behavior is more "appropriate" and socially acceptable when i am not around, it might appear that I baby him or exaggerate his deregulated behavior.  I think it's difficult for even those that we're close with to understand why he is "easy" when I'm not around.  He's still effected by the crowds, noise, lighting, touch sensations and over-stimulation when I'm not around, he just utilizes his coping mechanisms.  What a lot of people may not realize is that he works twice as hard as "normal" kids in over-stimulating situations, like holidays.  Even when he's out-of-sync, if I am not nearby, he doesn't usually exhibit behavioral difficulties.  But, as his OT says, I am his safety net.  He doesn't have to be on-his-game when he's with me.  He doesn't have to use the tiring coping mechanisms that he has developed for social situations.  I'm glad I can be that for him, but damn, it is so tiring and frustrating. 

Fischer is with his dad right now, which is why I have a necessary respite to compose this post.  He will run him ragged and give him loads of heavy work to help regulate him, despite the entire 20 oz sprite that I know Kevin's buddy will give him.  I only have 1 jar of olives left, and since I haven't had time to shower in days, I won't be able to make a public appearance to replenish.  Ya know, 1 jar of olives only make 3-4 dirty martinis?

This Easter marks the second holiday that Fischer has made it public knowledge that he doesn't like one of my aunts.   

        

I've been sick for 3 days, therefore, Fischer's routine, our routine, is all sorts of screwed up.  Which means, I have a big-time deregulated toddler on my hands.  He's mouthy and easily agitated.  He wanted to leave therapy today because his OT suggested they take turns hiding during their game of hide-and-seek.  He NEVER wants to leave OT. 

Fischer is effected by each of the senses, but must work especially hard with proprioceptive input.  For those unfamiliar with the terminology, proprioception comes from our nervous system and is a form of sensory input that makes us spatially aware of our muscles, limbs, and joints.  A lot of kids with proprioceptive dysfunction seem uncoordinated or have difficulty gauging their movements.  They might not move out of the way fast enough when a ball comes toward their head.  I'm a huge baseball fan, so I like to use the sport as an example.  Good baseball pitchers have multiple pitches in their arsenal:  two seam, four seam, splitter, off-speed, sinker, etc.  Perfecting these pitches requires improved proprioceptive ability (delivery, velocity, gripping, arm movement), which can be trained.  They improve their proprioceptive abilities when they practice and train with their pitching coach.  Likewise, Fischer's proprioception improves when he "trains" with his OT.  Or, say I had one to many dirty martinis one night and got pulled over.  Police officers would gauge my proprioception if they suspected I might be over the legal limit.  If I were intoxicated, I might not be able to walk a straight line without looking down at my feet.  (Which by the way, never happens.  Well...the driving bit never happens.) 

Fischer is a big-time sensory seeker and he NEEDS rough-play- crashing, pulling, jumping, heavy lifting, wrestling,  It improves body awareness and his ability to focus.  Our morning routine consists of building tents with heavy, weighted pillows, jumping, piggy and horseback rides, running and crashing.  In the afternoon, we play on the playground, build forts with bricks, climb up dirt or snow piles, or play in the snow.  We haven't done any of this for the past 3 days.  Routine is of the utmost importance to any child with a sensory disorder.  Fischer needs to prepare his nervous system for what's coming.  He seeks out excessive proprioceptive input because he is essentially trying to regulate himself.  His nervous system needs calming.  When he gets too touchy-feely, can't sit still, or starts crashing into things, he needs more heavy work. 

Because I caught his sensory problems at such a young age, many of Fischer's issues have subsided.  SPD is neurological and it's possible to change how his brain interprets sensory input because it is not yet fully developed.  (At least, that's how I understand it.)  He started OT shortly after he turned 3, so he's been seeing his therapist for over a year.  In addition, he has learned coping mechanisms for a lot of his issues. But we also have to work very hard with the rough-play and heavy work to calm his nervous system.  A lot of kids, especially little boys, like to play rough, but Fischer needs this heavy work as a part of his play diet. 

Unless you spend a lot of time with Fischer, more than likely, you wouldn't even notice his sensory problems.  He sometimes hugs his cousins or friends too hard, breaks things or crashes into stuff.  Luckily, he's an extremely intelligent kid and has been able to hit all of his milestones despite his struggles.  He's not clumsy, and I think he'll probably be good at sports.  But that doesn't mean that he isn't working really hard to behave in a manner that is socially appropriate. 

Tonight, during Fischer's gymnastics class, I had a "light-bulb moment".  It was unavoidable, but he had OT this morning as well.  And with me being sick, he was deregulated from the get-go and it was too much.  Normally, he listens, follows instructions and does pretty good.  He'll get distracted and overwhelmed by the lights and noise sometimes, but can usually rein himself back in.  He struggled tonight and wouldn't participate in a few things.  Because it was an "off" day, his coping mechanisms were decreased.  He wandered around more than usual and his attention was down.  But I realized that every time he drifted off, he was reined back in, either by his teacher or himself.  It took a bit longer than usual, but even on a bad day, he was able to self-regulate in a social situation.  That is HUGE!  At the end of class, he ran over to the side-lines, hunched over and waited for the rest of the class to do their hand shakes.  Others probably see this act either as a sad form of withdraw or as defiance.  I see this as a small victory.  He was able to remove himself from an uncomfortable and over-stimulating situation and find a way to self-regulate without running out of the room to me.  Today is an oxymoron.  It's a good bad day!  Fischer is just like every other kid, only he's not!